Pros and Cons to Being In a Relationship

Sometimes it can be hard to determine whether or not you’re ready to be in a relationship. It depends a lot on particular circumstances. It’s hard to tell someone what to do or not do when all the circumstances aren’t known. This is just my list of the pros and cons to being in a relationship.

Pros:

Having someone to comfort and support you. 

This is a major plus that I always miss when I’m not in a relationship. Knowing that someone is willing to run errands for you and drive to come see you and show you any kind of support possible is an incredible feeling. It sucks whenever that’s no longer there.

Someone to talk to. 

This may be different for some people, but I love just having a boyfriend to talk to. He’s pretty much obligated to text you back and let you know he’s going to bed or tell you if he can’t come to his phone for a few hours. When you’re no long together, all that changes and it can be hard. If you’ve never dated and are thinking whether or not you want to be involved with this person, just think about the honeymoon phase. That’s a glorious period when he pays attention to you and shows interest but that ends at some point. Use your own judgment about whether or not you think this honeymoon period will end or not.

Getting to do sweet things for each other just to show how much you care.

There are some gifts and stuff you might buy a significant other that’s kind of weird to buy someone you’re not dating. When you’re in the awkward talking stage where you’re not sure where you’re going, it’s important to keep in mind just how much you’d do for this person. If the answer is not a whole lot, you might want to think more about the state of the relationship and where it’s heading.

Something to talk about with your friends. 

Talking about boys with your friends is always the best. It can always make you feel like the odd one out when you don’t have a boyfriend. However, don’t feel pressured to jump into a relationship you’re not ready for. This is just a plus to brag about how sweet and awesome your boyfriend is if you’re ready to take things to that place.

It’s something extremely mutual. 

This should be an obvious one. But sometimes guys may jump into something or even you might jump into it due to a number of different reasons. You know deep down whether or not you’re doing something for the right reasons. You can tell his deal based on his past relationships and don’t get too caught up on talking about the future. For instance, if he’s just gotten out of a relationship that’s fairly long term (3 months or longer) then don’t go there. He’s just looking for some kind of rebound and no one wants to be that girl.

Cons:

Feeling like you have someone to impress. 

Looking cute all the time or feeling like you have to live up to the image of his ex or just the girls around in general. It can really suck and put a damper on the relationship but also on your own self-esteem. Avoid that at all costs.

When life gets in the way. 

It can be stressful when you can’t control your plans. Like if one of you is super busy and you hardly get to see each other. This applies more to long term but sometimes even those who live close can find themselves barely getting any quality time.

The drama and fights. 

It may just be me but it seems like a lot more fighting and drama happens once the relationship is official. You have more to argue about since your boyfriend and girlfriend and become more controlling and needy in a sense. Again, this might just be a Rachel thing but I’ve found this to happen in previous relationships. If I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him or something, I’d always fight and I don’t think that’d happen so frequently if we would’ve stayed in the talking stages for a while longer.

Jealousy!

This is by far the biggest con and yeah, it can happen when you’re talking but I feel like the green monster comes out more when it’s made official. When you aren’t together, you feel as if it’s not your place to say anything if you feel like he’s interested in someone else. He isn’t yours so why should you care in the first place? Is something we always ask ourselves at that point. While that still sucks, being together makes it even more serious. You get jealous over any girl he even glances. Again, I’m basing this on me and I get jealous over everything that a guy speaks to BASICALLY. I get jealous of ex girlfriends and all that. But, the jealousy can be overwhelming at times which just causes unnecessary stress and tension.

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Do Age Differences Really Matter?

I touched on this topic a little bit when I brought up having a crush on someone. Often, our crushes may or may not be on someone a lot older than us and part of the fact we like them is because we know it can’t happen but we fantasize about the possibility anyways. This topic is different in some ways due to the fact that crushes are sometimes not always acted on or the person may sadly not feel the same way. This is going to focus on why or why not age differences matter. Hopefully I touch on the pros and cons enough in a way that doesn’t sound too repetitive or preachy!

First things first, age differences do matter. But it depends mostly on what age you are. It’s not a big deal if you’re old enough to make decisions for yourself and live out on your own. You may be asking yourself: “What does that mean? I’m 13 and I make decisions myself because I’m mature for my age.” Regardless of your maturity level, dating someone who is 18 or 19 when you’re 12 or 13 is just a bad situation to be in. There’s a reason why a guy that much older is going for a girl so much younger, and it has nothing to do with you. It may have something to do with his lack of maturity or something of the like. But at such a young age, it’s not going to end well with someone so much older?

Why won’t it go well? 

You may not be able to meet his needs physically. That has nothing to do with you, you may just not be fully developed and you’re still learning and discovering who you are. He’s doing the same thing in a different way. He’s also in a whole different level intellectually and you can’t just be yourself. It can be hard to reach for something to talk about when you have such a big age gap between the two of you. This may not always be the case, but it pretty much typically ends up just the two of you making out in his car. If you’d rather really get to know the person you’re dating, you’re not ready to date someone that different from you.

Another big reason is that you should be acting your age. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to act like the kids you’re age, enjoy your age while it’s still here. Take advantage of that and I think it’s important to experience friends when you’re still in middle school. Dating a senior in high school or a college aged guy when you’re in eighth grade or even a freshman in high school isn’t the best idea because you should be focusing on hanging out with friends and doing the things you love. I’m so glad I waited until I was a lot older to start dating so I was able to enjoy my adolescents as much as possible. I suggest you do the same! You have plenty of time to date whoever you want, cross that bridge when you get there but enjoy the place you’re in your life right now.

How To: Distinguishing Between Love and Lust

Being able to know the difference between lust and love is especially tricky sometimes. There’s always those cases where lust is disguised as love. What I mean by that is you get the impression that it’s love and the other person may play along but in the end, they are after one thing and that isn’t love. It can be devastating when something like that happens. It’s even worse when you don’t see it coming so it’s best to just prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. I could be off base completely, but based on what I’ve personally dealt with, here’s some methods to determining when it’s lust and when it’s love.

Lust:

  • Constantly complements you.

I guess it’s possible that if he’s truly interested and leaning on the love end of things, he does this as well. But when it’s lust, it’s like the complements are absolutely complement. When in love, you can actually talk about things and being content with just asking how your day is but with lust that’s typically not the case.

  • The guy never seems content with just talking to you.

Like I alluded to in the last response, talking is important. It can say a lot if the guy isn’t willing to actually have meaningless conversation with you.

  • You go days without talking

You don’t have to talk every second but it’s just weird when these guys magically disappear for days on end.

Love:

  • They don’t care what you do, they just want to spend time with you.
  • They take you out in public during the daytime.
  • Willing to pay for you.
  • Don’t expect anything from you in return.
  • Never pressure you or want to talk about sex all the time.
  • Will send you random messages throughout the day.
  • Respectful and interested in you as a human being.