Loving Yourself and Stuff

One of the most important forms of love that I haven’t mentioned yet is loving yourself. This is where everything really starts. It’s also by far the most difficult form of love. Both guys and girls struggle with self esteem from a fairly young age. Some may believe that guys don’t have the same kind of self esteem issues as girls which can be true to an extent considering the fact that such pressure is placed on girls from the time they reach kindergarten for the majority of their life. Guys don’t have the same exact degree of what they should look like. I do think that guys struggle with it because they don’t like who they are if they’ve ever been rejected or simply because of their own stereotypes.

Regardless of what sex you are, we can all agree that loving yourself is hard for us all. The trick I use to think about loving myself is thinking about yourself as a little girl or boy. This is a trick that Rae’s therapist in the British teen drama My Mad Fat Diary used. Basically, she had major weight problems for most of her life and she ended up binging and cutting which led to her staying in a mental hospital for a summer. She continues to meet with this therapist and her struggles are continuous but he tries to urge her to think of her childhood self. He tells her to close her eyes and picture that little girl and tell her that she’s fat. She does that, and then she ends up telling her that she’s beautiful and perfect and she shouldn’t let what others might think about her get to her. I think this is an effective way of thinking because who wants to be mean to a little kid? You think of your younger self, all hopeful and positive and you don’t want that person to change.

There’s a number of different ways we can change our ways of thinking. Self-image is a really major thing. It sets the focus for everything and causes you to think either good or bad things about yourself. It also helps to see yourself through the eyes of somebody else. Maybe somebody like a parent or grandparent that’s always told you how beautiful and what a good person you are. If they see the good that you can’t, just pretend that you’re them seeing you the way that they do. This is really tricky and I get that, but I think it might sort of work depending on who you are.

Pros and Cons to Being In a Relationship

Sometimes it can be hard to determine whether or not you’re ready to be in a relationship. It depends a lot on particular circumstances. It’s hard to tell someone what to do or not do when all the circumstances aren’t known. This is just my list of the pros and cons to being in a relationship.

Pros:

Having someone to comfort and support you. 

This is a major plus that I always miss when I’m not in a relationship. Knowing that someone is willing to run errands for you and drive to come see you and show you any kind of support possible is an incredible feeling. It sucks whenever that’s no longer there.

Someone to talk to. 

This may be different for some people, but I love just having a boyfriend to talk to. He’s pretty much obligated to text you back and let you know he’s going to bed or tell you if he can’t come to his phone for a few hours. When you’re no long together, all that changes and it can be hard. If you’ve never dated and are thinking whether or not you want to be involved with this person, just think about the honeymoon phase. That’s a glorious period when he pays attention to you and shows interest but that ends at some point. Use your own judgment about whether or not you think this honeymoon period will end or not.

Getting to do sweet things for each other just to show how much you care.

There are some gifts and stuff you might buy a significant other that’s kind of weird to buy someone you’re not dating. When you’re in the awkward talking stage where you’re not sure where you’re going, it’s important to keep in mind just how much you’d do for this person. If the answer is not a whole lot, you might want to think more about the state of the relationship and where it’s heading.

Something to talk about with your friends. 

Talking about boys with your friends is always the best. It can always make you feel like the odd one out when you don’t have a boyfriend. However, don’t feel pressured to jump into a relationship you’re not ready for. This is just a plus to brag about how sweet and awesome your boyfriend is if you’re ready to take things to that place.

It’s something extremely mutual. 

This should be an obvious one. But sometimes guys may jump into something or even you might jump into it due to a number of different reasons. You know deep down whether or not you’re doing something for the right reasons. You can tell his deal based on his past relationships and don’t get too caught up on talking about the future. For instance, if he’s just gotten out of a relationship that’s fairly long term (3 months or longer) then don’t go there. He’s just looking for some kind of rebound and no one wants to be that girl.

Cons:

Feeling like you have someone to impress. 

Looking cute all the time or feeling like you have to live up to the image of his ex or just the girls around in general. It can really suck and put a damper on the relationship but also on your own self-esteem. Avoid that at all costs.

When life gets in the way. 

It can be stressful when you can’t control your plans. Like if one of you is super busy and you hardly get to see each other. This applies more to long term but sometimes even those who live close can find themselves barely getting any quality time.

The drama and fights. 

It may just be me but it seems like a lot more fighting and drama happens once the relationship is official. You have more to argue about since your boyfriend and girlfriend and become more controlling and needy in a sense. Again, this might just be a Rachel thing but I’ve found this to happen in previous relationships. If I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him or something, I’d always fight and I don’t think that’d happen so frequently if we would’ve stayed in the talking stages for a while longer.

Jealousy!

This is by far the biggest con and yeah, it can happen when you’re talking but I feel like the green monster comes out more when it’s made official. When you aren’t together, you feel as if it’s not your place to say anything if you feel like he’s interested in someone else. He isn’t yours so why should you care in the first place? Is something we always ask ourselves at that point. While that still sucks, being together makes it even more serious. You get jealous over any girl he even glances. Again, I’m basing this on me and I get jealous over everything that a guy speaks to BASICALLY. I get jealous of ex girlfriends and all that. But, the jealousy can be overwhelming at times which just causes unnecessary stress and tension.

Do Age Differences Really Matter?

I touched on this topic a little bit when I brought up having a crush on someone. Often, our crushes may or may not be on someone a lot older than us and part of the fact we like them is because we know it can’t happen but we fantasize about the possibility anyways. This topic is different in some ways due to the fact that crushes are sometimes not always acted on or the person may sadly not feel the same way. This is going to focus on why or why not age differences matter. Hopefully I touch on the pros and cons enough in a way that doesn’t sound too repetitive or preachy!

First things first, age differences do matter. But it depends mostly on what age you are. It’s not a big deal if you’re old enough to make decisions for yourself and live out on your own. You may be asking yourself: “What does that mean? I’m 13 and I make decisions myself because I’m mature for my age.” Regardless of your maturity level, dating someone who is 18 or 19 when you’re 12 or 13 is just a bad situation to be in. There’s a reason why a guy that much older is going for a girl so much younger, and it has nothing to do with you. It may have something to do with his lack of maturity or something of the like. But at such a young age, it’s not going to end well with someone so much older?

Why won’t it go well? 

You may not be able to meet his needs physically. That has nothing to do with you, you may just not be fully developed and you’re still learning and discovering who you are. He’s doing the same thing in a different way. He’s also in a whole different level intellectually and you can’t just be yourself. It can be hard to reach for something to talk about when you have such a big age gap between the two of you. This may not always be the case, but it pretty much typically ends up just the two of you making out in his car. If you’d rather really get to know the person you’re dating, you’re not ready to date someone that different from you.

Another big reason is that you should be acting your age. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to act like the kids you’re age, enjoy your age while it’s still here. Take advantage of that and I think it’s important to experience friends when you’re still in middle school. Dating a senior in high school or a college aged guy when you’re in eighth grade or even a freshman in high school isn’t the best idea because you should be focusing on hanging out with friends and doing the things you love. I’m so glad I waited until I was a lot older to start dating so I was able to enjoy my adolescents as much as possible. I suggest you do the same! You have plenty of time to date whoever you want, cross that bridge when you get there but enjoy the place you’re in your life right now.

5 Reasons Not to Change Who You Are

1. There’s only one you

No one else in the world has your exact looks (well unless your a twin) or your personality. Your thoughts and beliefs aren’t exactly like everyone else’s, you have a combination of different beliefs that make you unique.

2. Changing for someone else isn’t worth it

How many times have you heard someone say something along the lines of, “Never change who you are just because someone else has a problem with it,” that quote is still a relevant one. We can still learn a lesson or two from it.

3. Accept yourself

Accepting yourself is really the key to everything. You’re the one who’s stuck with yourself all the time so you have to do what you know makes you happy and a better person.

4. Your beliefs are your own

Only change them because you’re growing as a person, not due to the pressure of another person.

5. Don’t do it just because you want to fit in

Fitting in isn’t worth it, do what makes you happy. I can’t stress that enough.

I’ve spent a lot of time this month focusing on accepting yourself and not pleasing other people. The reason why I stress that so frequently is because it’s something I’ve personally dealt with many times, as I’ve kind of talked about in several other posts. I’ve learned that changing myself doesn’t make me any better, it just makes me feel worse about myself. So choose your actions wisely.

Do I Have The Power to Change The World?

From an early age, many of us are told from an early age that we have the power to change the world. The encouragement and support is nice to hear that someone believes in us. But it’s also a lot of pressure. I mean, what does it even mean to change the world? What does it involve? Is there a limit to age or anything else?

Every person defines what it means to change the world differently than the next person. I think it’s pretty clear that there’s no limit to how old or young you are, you can change the world. You have the power to change the world, that’s obvious to say the least. It’s always inspiring to me whenever people who are very young, even younger than me do something incredible. Girls like Malala Yousafzai, a Pakistani girl who was shot in the head when she was just 15 years old. Yousafzai’s father runs the school for girls and supports his daughters passion. Even after her assassination attempt, she hasn’t stopped fighting for girls. She even became the youngest Nobel Peace Prize winner which is pretty impressive.

This story of one teenage girl fighting for what she believes in makes me further believe that all things are possible. Anybody can make an impact however they chose if they care about something enough. Our passions are enough to change the current state of the world. How many times have you been told that if you don’t like something, change it? That is absolutely true and it’s important to do.

Malala is just one of many smart and inspiring teens who have a dream and go after it. They don’t let anything stop them and that’s what helps them change the world. It can be a lot of pressure to put on yourself in terms of making the world a better place. You can get caught up in being so set on making a difference. On not just standing by and actually getting involved and doing something. It can be easy to get into the habit of feeling stuck, like you can’t make a difference. The point is, don’t put pressure on yourself. Use your influence and you’re voice in order to do what you’re passionate about.

Positive and Negative Sides to Moving

Moving to a new place where you don’t know anyone can be scary no matter how old you are. I’m going to weigh all of the positive and negative sides to it that I can come up with.

Positive:

1. A new start

This can be viewed as both negative and positive, especially if you’re younger. But sometimes getting a new start and getting away from your old mistakes and experiences can be good.

2. Meeting new people

This might take awhile and it may not be easy but it can be nice. The process might seem to last a lifetime but it won’t last that long. You’ll find your way and you’re bound to find at least one and likely more people in this new place.

3. A new house

Living in a new house can take a long time to adjust to. You might live in one place your whole life and it can be hard to say goodbye to that. But a new house where you can find a new place to call your home can have it’s positive sides if you consider them.

4. Closer to reaching your dreams

Maybe this was a move that you didn’t choose yourself so let’s pretend that it was. People often move, when they get a little bit older and want to find their way, to a new place so they can achieve their dreams. This can be rewarding once you get there.

Negative:

1. Not knowing anyone

This is an obvious setback to anyone. It can be intimidating not knowing anyone and being in a new place. It’s rough to put yourself out there and make new friends.

2. Starting a new school

Whether it’s law school like my brother had to do, college, grad school, high school, etc. a new school can be scary. It’s weird and not easy to get used to but it’s definitely possible.

3. You’ll miss your friends and family

Missing your friends and family can be extremely difficult to handle. You long for hanging out and spending time with your friends and family. That never really goes away completely but you do become busier so you become distracted.

4. Drifting away from friends and family

This is worse than just missing them. It’s like they are more absent and that can really hurt, especially if you haven’t completely found your footing in the new place. Everything will work out in the end so keep doing the best that you can with the place that you’re in.

 

Advice If The Semester Isn’t Going Well

If you’re off to a rocky start this semester, you’re not alone. My college classes are a lot harder this semester as a whole. I think that the best approach if you’re already having issues, is to address the problem and then find ways to solve them. Here are some tips that have worked for me and other students in the past. Hopefully, you’ll find them helpful as well.

1. Make sure you’re organized

This is actually really funny coming from me since I’m ridiculously disorganized most of the time. I think I’m including it since I’m speaking from experience. I’ve found that being organized keeps you on your toes and you know what to expect. What I mean by organized is just having a system that works for you when it comes to what you keep your papers in. Do you put them in one binder or do you have notebooks and binders for every class? Buy more notebooks and folders if you need to, whatever you do, just make sure you have a way of knowing where everything is so you don’t lose important papers.

2. Have a system

Choose a system that works for you in terms of both scheduling out study time and the act of studying itself.

3. Take detailed notes

Taking detailed notes that you understand yourself when you look back on them is one important key to passing classes and tests. A lot of your notes will be a useful study guide. So making sure that you have solid information in those notes is necessary.

4. Make a study schedule

Make sure this schedule you make is realistic. Don’t set time aside on your calendar if you know you’re just going to ignore it in the end.

5. Study for tests in advance

Don’t wait until last minute to start studying. Professors usually give you at least a week or two in advance. Even if they don’t set a direct date, you can begin studying what notes you have and make note cards then add to them gradually.